I Miss Me

So, story is,I went to England for September 2010. I went by myself, with an enormous backpack, and my parents cautionary words echoing in my ears. I've been back for a few months now, I'm into the swing of things, work, friends, family, the daily grind. And I miss the girl that traveled. I miss how fearless I was when I was on my own, I miss the riks I took, and the way I used my body to take me places I hadnt been before. I miss meeting new people, and daring myself to just go out and fuckin do it.
I don't feel like the same person here. I'm more sedentry, and I hate that, I'm not as outgoing because I'm in my hometown and here, there are concequences to my actions, whereas there, there were not, because in that whole entire country, no one knew me. I was more myself, freer than I've ever been before. I did what I wanted when I wanted to. I was fiscally responsible for myself. No one was there to hold me back.
I feel like alot of the people I know here, at home, caution me. They talk me out of taking risks, they talk me into being safe. It's making me crazy, going from feeling so alive, and busting out of my protected little shell to having to fit back into it. I absoutly cannot stand that I let myself be imposed upon this way. I know these people only have my best interests at heart, but when nothing thats said is posative, its alittle hard to run on constructive critisisim.
I miss the girl who would keep walking down a street just to see where it ended, who would find herself lost in a city not her own, and, intstead of freaking out, just figure out where the hell she was, and bus back to where she needs to be.
I miss feeling the best I could feel getting out of bed in the morning, knowing that that day was going to fuckin rock.
I think, most of all, I miss being self sufficient. There was always that little edge of fear that kept me on my toes, constantly savoring life, because life was good. Here, I don't have that fear, that drive to keep going, to do something new. Or rather, I have the drive, but its bottling up inside me, and I'm about ready to pop.


It's 4 months until I move from my hometown to a city thats close by, and man, I tell you, I can't wait.