Monday, February 14, 2011

I Judge You Based On the Muffin You Buy

So story is, that today at work I realize that I judge random people based on the muffin that they buy. Now we at The Grocery Store have 5 types of muffins that we sell on a daily basis. WestCoast Trail, Raisin Bran, Double Chocolate Chunk, Cranberry Raspberry, and Blueberry. Pretty typical.




Blueberry. Your a basic, average, salt of the earth type of person. Blueberry is an uninspired muffin, and yet, its still a classic muffin. I don't judge you harshly, in fact, I might like to get to know you. You seem sensible. And I know you like yummy, if not exotic things. Your ok in my books.




You're boring. Or old. Or old and boring. You crave stablity and things that will, and have been, around forever.




Cranberry is a sassy flavor, its got some punch to it. It's like the burlesque dancer of muffins, at first its just cake, but then WHABAM yedoggy FLAVOR. I probably like you, if you're a cranberry muffin type of person, because I'm a sassy pants too.




I tend to really like chocolate muffin people. They're either sex on a stick, a child, or in need of comfort foods. I could get down with any of those three things.




I really don't like westcoast trail muffin people they are generally people who're
a) Trying to trick themselves into thinking they're being healthy by eating a carrot muffin with nuts on top, while trying to supress the fact that they are, indeed, just downing carrot cake. Which I don't have a problem with, but fuck, stop applogizing for wanting some carrot cake. Its delicious.
b)boring
c) Hippie dippie types who arent hardcore enough to go to the health food store for a vegan muffin, and just want to look like they're eating trail mix or granola or some junk.


Last pet peeve of the day: people who, in a grocery store that doesnt have the option "to stay" say "I would like a carrot/chocolate/blueberry muffin to go".
Why are you bothering to say "to go"? You can't stay. Theres no where to sit. "To stay" is not an option we offer. Regardless of the muffin you order, if you say you want it to go, I'll think your an idiot. Especially if you come in every day. Regulars should know better by now. I mean really.


What kind of muffin do you eat?


Love,

Lia
Lia

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